Things I've learned about being a parent, that my parents actually told me when I was a kid...

There's nothing so annoying as the smug look on someone's face when they get to say "I told you so!". Especially when it's coming from your parents. While I didn't have the "ideal" childhood, it was far from bad. I'm actually thankful for the way I was raised, because it made me very independent and aware of how the world actually is. (Seriously, thank you Mom, Dale, Dad and Jeri)

As a kid, you tend to think to yourself, "I'm never going to raise my kids like this!" or "I'm going to be friends with my kids, because I'll understand them, and not just treat them like immature little shits." We've all felt this way, that we can do better than our parents, who just weren't cool enough to understand us. But, as I enter the serious side of my adulthood, I find myself more and more tending to act just like them. And I also understand why. Children are endearing, annoying, sweet, needy, whiny and thoughtful bundles of pure, sugared energy. And in everything involving the child in my life (who we will refer to as Monkey from now on), I think back to how my parents acted, how they handled similar situations, and I'm struck by the horror of it... They were right. I do understand now that I have a child around. Even as I apologize to them for all the hell I now know I put them through, I imagine the smug expression behind their eyes... Damnit!

And now to the point of this blog. I'm going to attempt to chronicle everything I experience/learn from being a parent. I do this for several reasons; One, being able to get feed back from other parents, secondly, to share those special moments of life with a child, and most importantly, to have a god damn record of all the crap that (Monkey), and whatever fuck trophies that happen to spawn from my loins, have put me (us) through. That way, when they're old enough to be at this stage in life*, I'll print this out and hand it to them, laughing my senile old head off, and walk away.

* This is assuming that humanity has survived the coming zombie apocalypse. Face it, most of you won't, and I'm glad for that.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorable Memorial Day...

Today started like any other day that we don't have to go to work, with Monkey waking me up around 7 am. Today, I decided to make the morning special, so while the girls slept, I went a picked up donuts.  Monkey and I watched cartoons while Krista slept, and i felt the day had started off exceedingly well.  It wasn't meant to last.

We had a few errands to run this morning, and it only took Monkey about half an hour to thoroughly annoy the hell out of Krista and I.  I mean she was flashing from over-abundantly energetic to pouting and back to the point where I was ready to either feed her benadryl or Red Bull, and see which made her crash first.

Our first errand was picking up food for the (other) animals, which wasn't too bad.  She wanted to look at all the little animals, and generally was a split second from dashing off.  But then we went to Mattress Discounters.  I've been saying for a while that I wanted a Tempur-pedic mattress, and we decide that Memorial Day weekend would be a good time to get one.

Good. Fucking God.

That kid was fucking going crazy!  The dude who was helping us was trying to play it off, but I'm sure having a 4 year-old leaping from bed to bed was driving him nuts.  I think his commission was fueling his patience.  We decided to have lunch next door at a diner, and the 40 foot walk there was enough to make me want to pull my hair out.  She was running around, demanding things, being loud... And my patience was frayed.  It didn't help that I was starving and shaky.

So, after a harrowing lunch, we walked back over to the mattress store, paid for our bed (delivered in the next two days, damnit) we proceeded to the grocery store. At this point, both Krista and I are on our last nerve, and Monkey is borderline meltdown.  So, we get to the store, and Krista tells Monkey, "I'm going to the bathroom.  If you need to go, tell me now. Otherwise, you're going to have to wait until we get home."

"I don't need to go."

So, Krista heads off to the restroom, and not five god damn minutes later, as I'm pushing the cart with Monkey in it (which she almost threw a fit about) , she says, "I have to go pee."

"You know what? Too damn bad.  Your momma told you that if you didn't go then, you have to wait. And now, you have to wait."

We finally get home, and both Monkey and Krista lay down for naps.  Thank Christ.  I got the chance to read a little, fold laundry, etc.  It was a pleasant couple of hours.  Then they wake up.  Krista and I are cleaning the house, and the kid is running around, shrilling demanding for things like attention and food and whatnot.  Driving me nuts.  And then out of nowhere, she asks for me to take the training wheels off her bike.  No clue as to why that came into her head.  And she kept asking, and asking, and asking.  Finally, I was like, "Fuck it, Why not?" I really didn't feel like having to bandage her up after she inevitably ate shit, but she seemed to really want to try.  And she did it! There were a few false starts, a couple of tumbles (I almost ate shit too), but she totally was riding her bike, no training wheels.  She still needs to practice things like turning and braking, but she's doing it.

So, to make a short story really long, she spent the day annoying the hell out of me, and she rode her bike with no training wheels.  A long, exhausting, memorable day.

1 comment:

  1. A) don't forget to add a "your brother and sister in law were right". I cant COUNT the number of times you said "when IIIIII have kids..blah,blah, blahbiddy fucking blah." We are quite enjoying watching you suffer through the craziness of it all. We are also enjoying watching you reap the amazingness of it all :)

    B) You have one sweet, angelic pouty lipped little girl!!! I cant wait til you have another, and I pray to the flying spaghetti monster that its a boy. ;)

    C)Its pretty fucking rad when they do what they say their gonna do huh? Bring her bike when you come down!!

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